let me learn from where i've been;
my eyes to serve, my hands to learn
-mumford & sons
26 May 2010
so there's this relient k song - "this week the trend" - that i think probably sums up the way we all feel a lot of the time. here's a taste:
and this week the trend was to not wake up till 3pm i picked the few conscious hours that i chose to spend and slept away the rest of them
and this week the trend was to crash and burn and then return again to practice the life that i pretend provides enough to get me through the weekend
so i say get me a solution and watch me run with it and then you gave me a solution what have i done with it? cause i was absolutely sure i had it all figured out way back then and now it's this minute, this hour, this day
and i just want to get mugged at knifepoint to get cut enough to wake me up cause i know that i don't want to die sitting around watching my life go by and what we take from this is what we'll get
and we haven't quite figured it out just yet because all of us are all too stuck strapped to a chair watching our lives blow up stuck watching our lives blow up
...wow. it's true, though. what is this thing we call life when we are sitting in a chair, watching and waiting? misery. the singer is begging for something horrible to happen to him, so he can FEEL. so he can live.
i sometimes hear people say things like "life is hard." i often wonder what they mean. getting mugged at knifepoint, at first glance, seems like it would qualify as something that would "make life hard". on the other hand, the passive, numb way of living i've described would also make life hard. if given the choice, knowing life has to be hard, i think many of us prefer the latter because it is safe. we may be numb, but we're not bleeding. in so doing, we miss out extravagantly on the range of emotions we've been created to experience. we miss out on giving and receiving grace. we miss out on mourning and having our joy restored. we miss out on life.
although i didn't specifically ask or sing for it, i was recently "mugged at knifepoint" so to speak. my heart has recently been opened to a range of emotions... and i've let them pour forth. what a painfully human journey it has been and will be. how thankful i am for this opportunity to open my eyes and my heart and get up from my chair.
dear brothers and sister, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. for you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. so let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.