it's that time again!

and i don't mean furniture rearrangement... except for i sort of do! it's true. we're moving again.

but don't worry, we didn't get kicked out of our current place. we kicked ourselves out. our lease is coming up in another month and it came time to decide - stay another year or move on?

it was our hope when we moved to this apartment a year ago that we would stay here for two years - until the end of my med school (and probably our move out of birmingham). we made a lot of compromises picking our current place - no dishwasher, tiny bathroom, oldoldold everything, putting our washer/dryer in the dingy basement, shady parking situation (which most of you know resulted in my car being totaled last summer), etc. we thought that the awesome location, the millions of windows, the gas range, and the "charm" would be enough to hold us over. unfortunately, we were wrong.

even so, it wasn't necessarily our intention to look to move. i'm in the middle of my stressful 3rd year (as i'm sure can be deduced from my recent posts) and henry's nearing completion of his master's degree... not exactly the most convenient time to undertake a move. but we have had our eyes open for a few weeks looking at what's available. we'd talked it out and agreed that we would only go through with the huge task if it would solve a few major problems: kitchen, bathroom, laundry, and parking without creating any major new ones: location, overall size, price. we also really wanted to be saving money rather than spending more or even paying the same amount. pretty tall bill, eh?

so our new place, discovered almost by accident, is a 2bed/2ba behind the summit. it will save us $175/month baseline on rent. ! this is 1 more bathroom than we have now. laundry INSIDE the apartment. huge kitchen with dishwasher. walk-in closets. marked parking spaces in a lot. etcetcetc. compromise? probably location. we'll have to factor in the drive to work. all that said, henry and i are ecstatic. there is a unit available exactly when we need to move in, and what's more, henry's employer is "preferred", so the app fee and deposit were cut in half. everything fell into place so smoothly and fit our incredibly tall order - it's easy to be confident this is where we're supposed to be.

so... in 3 weeks... we return to the land of buildings which are 1. up to code, 2. relatively level, and 3. free of lead paint and excessive amounts of mold. can't wait to take a bath in a tub that hasn't been PAINTED. !!!!!!!!! (not kidding there.)

celebrations

happy chinese new year! xin nian kuai le!

it's been a big weekend for events: opening ceremonies of the olympics, chinese new year and valentine's today. other events going on in the city/region: mercedes marathon, mardi gras parades, and a "snow-storm".

ah, the olympics. i've had the opening ceremonies for the olympics on my calendar for a few weeks; i get pretty excited about the olympics. my obsession probably started when i was in the 3rd grade when i was asked to do a project for class. that was the winter olympics of 1994 in lillehammer. shortly after, my family moved to birmingham and the olympics were in atlanta in 1996. i saved clippings from the newspaper and made an olympics "scrapbook". some of the soccer games were actually in birmingham, so it was incredibly close to home. in summer 2004, i pretty much watched every event that was televised, as i was bound to the couch after having sinus surgery. i've never really been a kid with any hopes of competing in the olympics; i'm not an athlete and don't dream of being one. there's just something thrilling about the games, all the nations, the drama of it all that has kept me excited through different ages and stages in life. this weekend i've found myself once again transfixed by the competition. here's to two more weeks of hypnotizing entertainment!

we had a very low-key new year's celebration with henry's parents last night, and his mom brought us sushi today. mmmmmm. always good food.

valentine's day was also a pretty low-key celebration for us. henry got sick at the end of the week with some sort of yucky upper respiratory infection, so he's been taking it easy. we were pretty lazy all day, and it was wonderful. the idea of valentine's day sort of conflicts me; when you have a valentine who treats you special every day it seems silly to ask him to go above and beyond that already high level of awesomeness on some made-up holiday. still, henry surprised me with flowers and a cookie cake. i'm a lucky lady to be married to such a consistently loving, caring partner in life.

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last weekend, henry and i made the trip up to louisville, ky to visit my sister beth and her husband drew. they recently bought an adorable house with oodles of charm. we spent time with them eating, playing, watching movies, and generally having the time of our lives. on sunday morning, we drove to lexington, ky where my dear friend amanda and her husband ben live. we planned to have lunch with them there. another dear friend and college roommate, laura, came down from cincinnati with her boyfriend to meet us. what a reunion! the whole weekend made me long to live closer to both my sister and my close friends.

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back to reality. this week i'll be in the well-baby nursery at uab. it's where all the freshly born, healthy babies go when they are not with their moms. it should be a fun week! i mean, there will still be lots of screaming babies, but at least they won't be sick. next week i'll be on inpatient hem-onc... those kids will be sick. i'm interested to see how that will go. then pediatrics will be over. i won't lie - i'm not sad for it to end. glad for the experience, glad it will be over. such is the story of third year.

180.

i just finished my four weeks of inpatient pediatrics. the first few days helped me realize that pediatrics is not my life's path.

somewhere in the middle of the month, one of the other teams' residents mentioned to my resident that she was about to go admit a 'crappy patient.' it didn't register for me until a few minutes later that she used the adjective 'crappy' to describe her newest admit. understandably, crap is not a foreign substance to a children's hospital, so this is not surprising. but in this case, the resident was talking about the patient being crappy - an undesirable patient. the patient had a chromosomal abnormality, present from conception, that caused a constellation of medical problems.

it hit me later that day why pediatrics wasn't appealing to me. on inpatient pediatrics, all of our patients were as the residents' newest admit - complicated and suffering some type of long-term incurable illness - or incredibly uncomplicated. by uncomplicated i mean: has a cold and can't eat, so has to be admitted for IV fluids and will go home the next day. obviously this is a gross generalization, but surprisingly accurate.

there's a list of other things that don't appeal to me about pediatrics: working with 75% female residents, dealing with primarily non-verbal/non-history-giving patients, dealing with parents, being out-of-touch with adult medicine, and calculating medicine/fluid/calories based on weight of individual patients among others. then there's the list of illnesses common in a pediatric population, many of which have some connection to embryology and/or genetics (neither of which hold my interest much).

after all is said and done, i also realized about myself - surprisingly - that i don't like taking care of kids medically. i've always been someone who is passionate about understanding people and helping others understand things. enter - pediatrics. it's impossible to explain to a 5-year-old why it's necessary to place stitches on her lacerated chin. impossible. i tried. don't get me wrong - i don't expect every patient i ever have to understand. it's just going to be a much more plausible task in a 30 yr old vs a 3 yr old.

nonetheless, pediatrics has taught me loads about myself and how i relate to people of different ages. prior to starting pediatrics, i was certain it was my career path. halfway through, i'm certain it's not. disorienting? yes. exciting? double-yes. can't wait to see how much more 3rd year will shape my own self-awareness.

updates

although i have done an incredibly poor job of updating my blog more recently, i'm now on a new clerkship -- and i might actually have time to write something thoughtful. yippee!

news since last i updated:

-surgery ended well... as well as expected. i was incredibly burnt out physically and emotionally, but i think the shelf exam went ok. i was glad to spend the last few weeks at children's... people who take care of sick kids just seem a little easier to deal with?

-one of the last few weeks of surgery i got a new phone -- a droid eris. it's a smartphone, which is a new thing for me! i'm still getting used to its touch screen, but i really like it.

-got two whole weeks off for the holidays (!) it was beautiful. henry and i travelled up to nashville for my little sister's college graduation, then we spent the first week celebrating christmas with our families in birmingham. i spent those few days off before christmas doing shopping, wrapping, house-cleaning, and baking. i tried my hand at gingerbread cookies this year, and they turned out great!

-spent the week between christmas and the new year in philadelphia visiting extended family. i love cold weather, cheesesteaks, big cities, and of course my family. henry got to meet a few of my relatives he had never met. we were also able to meet up with a childhood friend of henry's/med school classmate of mine who is a first year resident in Philly. we explored downtown a little, ate a LOT, and rang in the new year with a bunch of my cousins and pictionary. all-in-all a fun way to spend break!

-started pediatrics on monday. went into it thinking i was going to love it. i don't hate it... but i definitely don't see it being the fit for me. shocking, eh? it has really surprised me, actually, especially since this is what i've told everyone i'm interested in. i'll talk more about this in the future, but i guess this is what third year of medical school is all about.

.... over and out! more soon.

blur

finding it incredibly sad that i have little time or energy to ever write anything profound on this blog while i'm collecting so many stories and experiences daily.

i'm at children's now for pediatric general surgery. i love children's... but it's still surgery. eagerly awaiting the end. in fact, i'm on call tonight. i've already been at the hospital for 18 hours... only about 12 more to go. hopefully some of those will involve a little sleep.

poke the body with a stick / roll it down
ignore the moaning / as it tumbles to the ground
be brave and save your day
these days are cold / numbers rule i've been told
the pattern is clear / better fit in the mold
be brave and save your day
to cough up sympathy isn't hard / but it costs
hold tight to your life savings / you have to do what you must
to save your day
so poke the body / roll it down
the grave looks cold / but we're still young
.jose gonzalez.

still operating

and by that i mean that i'm still on surgery... but have since my last post completed both my 3 weeks in vascular surgery and my 2 weeks in transplant surgery. yipppeeeee! only 3 weeks to go - and they're at children's. :) i can make it. i know i will.

meanwhile, i'm trying to catch a few winks of sleep to recover. i feel like there are so many stories, funny and sad, that i want to tell. there are so many things i've been learning about myself that i need to write down in the midst of this craziness so that i'll remember when the storm calms. first: sleep.

FML.

it’s the end of my second week on surgery, and i figured it was past due for an attempt at a post. i just sit here blankly staring at the computer screen, mind completely numb, attempting to put into words what life is like right now. here’s a try.

typical day on my current rotation in vascular surgery:

4:15/30am: walk into the hospital

4:30-6:00am: help make the day’s “List” of all the patients (vitals, labs, etc), do ICU notes, do inpatient notes. i think the sun comes up somewhere near the end of this painful stretch?

6-7:00am: round with my intern, 4^th year resident, and fellow. we see our 20+ patients in less than 1 hour. (!) then i go back and help my intern change surgical dressings, take out drains, put in orders, etc.

7:00am-6/7:00pm: in the operating room helping operate. back to back operations because our service has 5 surgeons who operate in 3 different suites. (who said anything about meals or bathroom breaks? the tummy growling and the bursting bladder feeling subside after a few hours, trust me).

6/7:00pm: we round again on all our patients, this time with the whole team + the attending surgeon.

7:00pm-ish: finally get home, try to scarf down enough calories at dinner to make up for the rest of the day, pass out on the couch somehow get to our bed by 10pm so i can get up and do it again the next day.

…and, if i happen to be on trauma surgery call (like i was tuesday night and i will be tomorrow night), strike the “going home” part and insert “stay up all night long trying to keep people who got shot in the head from dying” until 4:30am when i head back up to the vascular floor to help my intern and round again.

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welcome to my life for the next little while. fortunately (or unfortunately?), henry is taking 3 masters' classes this fall, so he is busy out of his mind too. his day starts a little after mine in the morning, but he works, then goes to class, then usually stays up working on homework until well after i pass out. you can imagine the wreck our apartment is right now.

for right now, life sucks. i work with interns and residents who hate their lives. i try not to think about the hours or let myself hate life. i'm trying to stay as positive as possible. it's all i can do. and - there's the one redeeming factor - you get to do SURGERY. operations are actually pretty neat, and it's amazingly cool to be elbow-to-elbow with surgeons, helping to fix (fill-in-the-blank) in a patient. the hours kill me, but at least i get to spend some of them doing something that helps someone. that's how i get through the day: reminding myself that these long hours are not futile for the patients we help.