restart

yesterday was my last day in the medical ICU and of course i was on call. i got an admission to rule them all - with everything wrong that could possibly go wrong. it's been a long, grueling month and i've been desperate for a minute to breathe. this month - more than any prior - i've been leaning on my fellow interns. spending 80+ hours a week desperately trying to bring lives back from the downward death spiral of the ICU... grappling with the suddenness of it all with families... finding no time to process what became known only as "the shit show"... despite our meager efforts in the precious few moments to ourselves to pull it together, we all reached our respective breaking points. even so, the shared experience of it all brought us together like nothing else i've experienced before.

last night, after i left the hospital at 10pm, i met up with our whole group of residents/interns and spent 4 glorious hours drinking, laughing, and dancing. i was the last one leaving the unit of our team - and when i arrived, i entered to cheers, hugs, and a drink put in my hand. it was the best time i've had in awhile. i was undoubtedly exhilarated to be finished with my ICU duties, but i found myself truly ecstatic to be alive... something i haven't felt much in the past 6 months. what a reflection of my raw human existence and needs that have gone unidentified - needs that were finally met 100-fold last night.

1st day on new service with massive hangover? worth every minute.

i am done with my graceless heart
so tonight i'm gonna cut it out and then restart
and it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
so shake him off, shake it out

.florence and the machine.