worry is worse with evidence.

health is fleeting. i have had more reflections about health, life, and death over the past few weeks than i have had in awhile.

i've had abdominal pain and nausea for a few weeks now. i'm not pregnant, i've never had abdominal problems before, and i have no idea what's caused it. i finally went to the doctor last friday who sent me to the ER with suspected early appendicitis. they took 4 vials of blood, started an iv, and did a CT scan. they couldn't find any specific cause for my pain. fortunately, after a much more acute bout of digestive trouble this past weekend, i began feeling a lot better.

unfortunately (or fortunately), the CT scan revealed a 12mm lesion on my pancreas. i will be having an MRI this week to help determine what this is. although in all likelihood it is something benign, the possibility of cancer lingers. "what if...?" my brain begins. sigh. medical school knowledge makes reasoning away worst-case-scenario difficult... especially when i've learned and memorized all the facts forwards and backwards.

sigh. sigh. sigh. i'll get through this, one way or the other.

and i'm gonna be alright, i'm gonna be alright
with you by my side
and i said i'm gonna be alright, i'm gonna be alright
with you through this fight
through it all
.mat kearney.