"it's an odd thing, though, that there is not much pleasure in the actual recording. although i am aware, distantly, that i often move through scenes of great beauty, i can't feel that as i climb; all is lost in giddiness and headache and the pain of moving my limbs and drawing breath. but a few days after i descend to a lower altitude, when my body has begun to repair itself -- then i look at the notes i made during my hour of misery and find great pleasure in them. it is odd, isn't it? that all one's pleasures here are retrospective; in the moment itself, there is only the moment, and the pain."
from Servants of the Map by Andrea Barrett
although Barrett is describing the troubles of a cartographer in the Himalayas, how thoroughly it describes medical school. what a beautiful week of realizations it's been in my special topics course with dr. evans. beautiful.