merry christmas... off we go!

henry and i leave for taiwan at 6:55am tomorrow morning. we will meet up with his mom, dad, and brother who left on the same flight two days ago. I AM SO EXCITED! i'm sure there will be much to say about the trip. we'll be staying with family, eating with family, travelling around the country with family... that, and henry & i received a kodak HD pocket video camera for christmas which we will undoubtedly wear out while there. oh man. now all that's left to do is pack my sudoku, ian mcewan, ipod, and restrain my wild squeals of excitement. eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

love.

in response to everything in the world:

i poured my heart out
it evaporated... see?
-ben folds five

fools will be fools
and wise will be wise
but i will look this world
straight in the eyes
what good is a man
who won't take a stand?
what good is a cynic
with no better plan?
i believe in a better way
-ben harper

why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die?
at least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eyes
-jack johnson

let's go to the middle
where time stands still
live a little closer to what is true
i'll be me and you be you
-jon mclaughlin

if i possessed all knowledge and if i had such faith that i could move mountains, but didn't love others, i would be nothing. if i gave everything i have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, i could boast about it; but if i didn't love others, i would have gained nothing.
-1 cor. 13:2-3

should i be bold enough to speak in this moment?
-jennifer knapp

hold your own
know your own name
and go your own way
and everything will be fine
-jason mraz

give me love over this.
-coldplay

climbing

"it's an odd thing, though, that there is not much pleasure in the actual recording. although i am aware, distantly, that i often move through scenes of great beauty, i can't feel that as i climb; all is lost in giddiness and headache and the pain of moving my limbs and drawing breath. but a few days after i descend to a lower altitude, when my body has begun to repair itself -- then i look at the notes i made during my hour of misery and find great pleasure in them. it is odd, isn't it? that all one's pleasures here are retrospective; in the moment itself, there is only the moment, and the pain."
from Servants of the Map by Andrea Barrett

although Barrett is describing the troubles of a cartographer in the Himalayas, how thoroughly it describes medical school. what a beautiful week of realizations it's been in my special topics course with dr. evans. beautiful.

parachutes

one of those days... studying for my hem/onc final tomorrow worth nearly half my grade, and all i can think about is how i am married to my best friend. it kinda makes everything else not matter at all.

in a haze, a stormy haze,
i'll be round, i'll be loving you always, always
here i am and i'll take my time,
here I am and i'll wait in line always, always
.coldplay.

shortcuts can slow you down

december! where did you come from? you are here, and i welcome you most heartily. bring on the cold weather, extra sweaters, Christmas music, twinkling lights, festive air... and lighter load. i know Jesus wasn't really born in december, but it is a beautiful thing to be able to spend the last part of the year in a slower-paced reflective spirit.

i often find myself tangled in a web of memories, especially at this time of year. usually more good than bad, but teeming with the emotion that comes with them. i don't find myself overly emotional, on the contrary, i watch these memories as if i were watching a movie. excuse the blatant cliche (blog name), but for HP fans, it really is like i'm filtering through my pensieve.

it got me thinking today about how much of our life is spent chewing the cud of our memories... mulling over the should-have-beens, the delights, the embarassments, the joys... it made me sad. is this why people cherish childhood so deeply? because everything is so new, innocent, fresh -- there are no memories to ensare us but the ones we make each day? are we, as emerging adults (and older still) wasting our lives re-living them?

i may have discovered my trap. i rearrange furniture as often as possible. i reorganize cupboards, notes, computer files, music, playlists, younameit. i desperately long to travel to new places, and go so far as to find new ways to drive to school. is my unquenchable desire for variety a cry to live life anew? am i running away from what i fear is wasting my life by re-living it? it could be. it probably is. my conception of the length of life has been rocked by what i've learned in medical school. i don't regret this, but i embrace it quite tentatively.

memories are not a waste. they truly are beautiful. but somehow, no matter how great the past, i shed them for life anew. what does this mean? time will tell.

inaudible melodies
serve narrational strategies
unobtrusive tones
help to notice nothing but the zone
of visual relevancy
frame-lines tell me what to see
chopping like an axe and
maybe Eisenstein should just relax

slow down everyone
you're moving too fast
frames can't catch you when
you're moving like that

well Plato's cave is full of freaks
demanding refunds for the things they've seen
i wish they could believe
in all the things that never made the screen
.jack johnson.