life shall resume as normal. worry, take a hike!

the following is a back and forth of emails between me and my doctor about my abdominal MRI of my pancreas today (which i don't recommend - it's not very fun.)

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from me, 10:15am
Hey Dr. S,
Hope you're having a great week! Just wanted to let you know that I had my abdominal MRI this morning without any trouble. If you hear the results, could you let me know in brief by email? That would help reduce my anxiety about what it might be (especially if it's nothing!)
Thanks for all your help, as always,
Sharon

from my doctor, 3:30pm
Sharon,
Relax- it literally was nothing. There were no lesions seen on the pancreas. The read on the CT scan was probably either artifact (if you moved slightly) or an overcall by the radiologist. The MRI was totally normal.
ES
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... PHEW. i am ecstatic! if nothing else has been gained from these two weeks of worrywart's hell, it's a greater appreciation for the health i take for granted everyday. it's sad that it has to take such an experience for me to be reflective, but i am grateful for it and will move on in a different spirit.

love to all for thoughts and prayers. xoxoxo

Erin D Snyder

Sharon, Relax- it literally was nothing. There were no lesions seen on the pa...

3:23 PM (1 hour ago)

Erin D SnyderLoading...

3:23 PM (1 hour ago)

worry is worse with evidence.

health is fleeting. i have had more reflections about health, life, and death over the past few weeks than i have had in awhile.

i've had abdominal pain and nausea for a few weeks now. i'm not pregnant, i've never had abdominal problems before, and i have no idea what's caused it. i finally went to the doctor last friday who sent me to the ER with suspected early appendicitis. they took 4 vials of blood, started an iv, and did a CT scan. they couldn't find any specific cause for my pain. fortunately, after a much more acute bout of digestive trouble this past weekend, i began feeling a lot better.

unfortunately (or fortunately), the CT scan revealed a 12mm lesion on my pancreas. i will be having an MRI this week to help determine what this is. although in all likelihood it is something benign, the possibility of cancer lingers. "what if...?" my brain begins. sigh. medical school knowledge makes reasoning away worst-case-scenario difficult... especially when i've learned and memorized all the facts forwards and backwards.

sigh. sigh. sigh. i'll get through this, one way or the other.

and i'm gonna be alright, i'm gonna be alright
with you by my side
and i said i'm gonna be alright, i'm gonna be alright
with you through this fight
through it all
.mat kearney.

PSA and day in atlanta

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: i take my USMLE step 1 exam in precisely 46 days. i have worked meticulously to come up with some sort of study schedule... we have an "integration" class for the next 3 weeks that should hopefully force me into a study pattern. anyways, the announcement part is this: i will probably be pretty aloof. i might try to maintain a presence in cyberspace, but my days and nights will be devoted to slaving over the books. it'll be worth it. :)

so in real human life -- this past weekend ended up being so much fun! henry took me to atlanta on saturday. we didn't leave super early in the morning, but we still had a full day:

1. ate dim sum for lunch on buford hwy. if i can ever figure out the name of the place, i will highly recommend it to you. it's ridiculous.

2. saw the king tut exhibit. one of my childhood obsessions was ancient egypt. this was a collection of artifacts recovered from tombs of different kings, including tut. i guarantee you that on more than a few occasions, i leaned over to henry and said "...this one time in elementary school, i did a project on egyptian ______" (blank can be filled with: gods & goddesses, how pyramids are built, stratification of society, role of cats in society, and cleopatra... among others. yes, i was obsessed).

3. shopped ikea. i admit, the first time i visited ikea a few years ago, i pretty much had a panic attack. it's a ridiculous store. even so, i have learned to appreciate it -- and to always go in with a specific list of what we're looking for. we did, and we came home with two new chairs for our desk in our study. woot!

4. saw the bodies exhibition. it's incredible. i saw this a few years ago when i was living in chicago, and it blew me away. it was henry's first time to see it... and it was an entirely different experience for me after having studied it all in med school. really glad we went.

5. ate dinner at a little pub that made me nostalgic for england. it's true. i get misty every once in a while thinking about life the way it was living in london. it truly felt like home. i hope i'm fortunate enough to get to live there again someday.

i learned lots of random little tidbits on the trip, too, like: GPS can screw up in the middle of the city with lots of tall buildings blocking the satellite signals. also, i have no desire to ever live in atlanta. also, although i already knew this, henry is my best friend and the best partner i could ever have in life. we've taken a few car trips like this recently and have been amazed at how quickly they go by as we're chattering about every detail of life. also, although i already knew this too, i adore coldplay.

pet peeve #324.7: obvious research disguised as important

don't you love those research studies that, upon publication, have everyone saying "duh" and wondering what the research funding could have been spent on? prime example:

CNN.com: Men see bikini-clad women as objects, psychologists say

...and this just in! the sky is blue.

as a psych major in college, i totally support psychological research. but Princeton -- really? can we please study something that might actually help us learn something useful? i especially like the researchers potential next step:

"Another avenue to explore would be showing images of men's wives and girlfriends in bikinis, Raison said. He predicts the objectifying effect would not happen in this context."

oh good. i hope your prediction is right, or you will spend a whole lot of unsuspecting IV-leaguers' tuition money providing wives and girlfriends with more fodder to attack their husbands and boyfriends. and if you are correct, then what? you can conclude males can overcome objectification of women, but only *their* women? wow, the irony might just make my head explode.

...back to studying repro for my LAST FINAL OF 2ND YEAR TOMORROW! yippee.

about half a teaspoon, actually.

because i have little social judgment and thought you would want to know the useless things i'm learning in medical school:

comparison of ejaculate volume by species
ram: 1mL
human: 2-3mL
bull: 4mL
dog: 9mL
stallion: 70mL
boar: (as the lecturer put it) a messy 250mL

do you think this has to do with the accuracy of the aim? just a random, inappropriate-for-the-general-public-who-are-not-being-inundated-with-ridiculous-amounts-of-reproductive-information question. feel free to answer... or not.

ends, beginnings, and the moon

10 days and counting until i finish my second year medical school classes. !!!

(insert Natalie-Portman-SNL-digital-short-style WHAAAAT?!)

after, i will spend two months studying for my 1st US Medical Licensing Exam (Step 1). it's on april 10. AUGH! i really feel like med school is flying by. it didn't last year... it dragged mercilessly through neuroscience this past fall... but as soon as we hit hematology/oncology in november, it's FLOWN. not complaining. :)

i also completed my last OSCE (objective standardized clinical exam - they video us doing history and physicals on fake patients for a grade) last night, which marks the end of my clinical class as well!

in other news, henry and i have found a place to move! we are filling out the application and crossing our fingers. we'll be moving mid-april (after my exam). the top three things i really like about this apartment:
1. closer to both Henry's work and UAB (and going home will be in the opposite direction of rush-hour traffic, HALLELUJAH!)
2. literally $250 cheaper than what we pay now
3. decked out with stainless kitchen appliances, ceiling light fixtures, huge closets, and wood floors.
it's a steal. i can't wait to move. our current apartment is livable, but the combination of price, location, and amenities at the new place is thrilling. plus, i am ridiculously addicted to arranging and rearranging furniture, so this will be the ultimate high for me. (HA!)

in completely random useless news, i discovered the other day that you can buy property on the moon. it's ridiculous. there's this whole section about "is it real?" and they explain how an international treaty was signed that said no country can claim land on the moon, but the treaty did not say anything about individual people. so apparently -- wham-bam -- that makes it valid. give us $30 plz thx bye. ::facepalm::

all you need is love.

it's amazing how many times a week i invoke the words of coldplay (politik) -- "give me love over this." because, truly, what else do you do with stupid drivers, tiring schedules, frustrating people, and blown expectations?

it's slightly immature to complain (of which i've been guilty 100-fold), and beating yourself up over it is not only inappropirate but further destructive.

does this mean i'm growing up? i sure hope so. i'm ready to waste less precious irreplaceable minutes of my life trying to fix the unfixable. sing it coldplay: give me love over this.